I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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