I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
