I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
