Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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