I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
