i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
