once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
