my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
