totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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