No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
