just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
