I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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