and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
