I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
