Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
