so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
