New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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