: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize