now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
