apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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