My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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