Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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