it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
