I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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