so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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