For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
