He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
