I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
