i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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