Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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