Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
