im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
