update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
