Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
