I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
