Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
