Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
