He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
