Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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