if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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