rhymes with "ouble enetration"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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