I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
