we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
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just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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