the only muscles i have these days is kegels
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
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Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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