Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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