wat bout pragnant strippers??
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
