you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
