So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
