so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
