You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
