I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
