I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
