I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
