omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize