You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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