Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
