there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
