Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
