A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
