looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sext me about skeletons
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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