I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
