i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
