She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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