just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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