I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize