i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
