Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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