Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
