i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
