I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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