things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
