I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
