I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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