i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
