you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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