At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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