you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
