Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
